Monday, April 16, 2012

Moral of the Story: We Suck (By Laurel)

The title says it all.

In actuality I feel like we owe our viewers a post more than we owe this damn website the time of day to even check our emails. Are they even called emails? Who the hell knows. Long story short, I haven't checked my account for at least a month and just logged in today (after a kind sir told me he paid for a month membership just to email me.. Yiiiikes) and found 71 unread emails. WOOOOOOOOF.

Thank you, Home Alone. You never fail me.

The second moral of the story? There is no way in hell I am getting to any of these emails. Even if I wanted to there is no chance. So this, my friends, is why Kate and I have been so negligent in our duties to you (her count is I believe 55 - she shied away after a man texted her "Good Morning, have a great day!"... red flag when you haven't yet met someone in person. But she can give you the deets on that).

So, not only is this post an apology (thought not really because God knows I don't need any more awkward moments in my life) but also another excuse to share that video so that people can finally understand my reference. Aside, of course, from my freak college roommates who are truly the only people who still understand me. Much love, bitches.

A couple of funny thoughts/stories/happenings before I sign off:

1) In all honesty, who pays for a month membership to send an email?! No! Stop it! People like this exist?! I have even less hope for humans that I did when I started... which basically puts me on the negative side of the scale. Godspeed, everyone.

2) The men on Millionaire Matchmaker really are disasters that can't be fixed by Patti Stanger. I would know, I was emailed by one. And not only was I emailed by a near 40 year old, he REFERENCED the videos of him on YouTube from his stint on the show. As though that is attractive. Reality check, brother, everyone knows that the men on that show are train wrecks. You couldn't give me all of your money to date you. PS you live in BRENTWOOD.

3) ... The men on Millionaire Matchmaker also send FOLLOW-UP emails. Juuuuuust in case you didn't get it the first time. No, sir, my non response is your answer. I didn't accidentally not respond. Not a "whoops" moment.

If I ever get around to reading these emails, I'm sure I'll have more to say. For now, just wanted to make sure you guys knew that we are alive and have not been kidnapped/killed/raped by the men on On the contrary, we both spent $400 in 2 hours shopping yesterday. That's what I call a success.

Over and out.

1 comment:

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