Per Kate's post yesterday, we have learned more than we ever wanted to about this process. Like to the point where I wish I had a secretary to lend me their eyes, ears, hands and opinions (though I may or may not have already enlisted the help of a couple of friends at work to clear my Match.com inbox). However, what I did not anticipate was learning so much about myself throughout the whole process. Read, enjoy and judge me:
1) I am an elitist. I wish I was joking. I have always approached relationships and men in the best way: as long as they have aspirations and goals and a good heart - sign. me. up. Nay. Not the case. I am finding that the first thing I look at is where you got your undergraduate degree? "Some college"? - absolutely not. Not only that, but out of those that have pursued a Bachelor's degree (or higher.. so sexy) I definitely, without a doubt, expect them to have gone to a top school. If we aren't in the same realm of intelligence then it's just not going to fly with me. To many this doesn't come as a surprise but for me it has been SHOCKING. I mean I tell myself that so much happens in peoples lives that doesn't afford them the same opportunities as I had. I shouldn't judge, right? Yet then the other side of me speaks up and reminds my other half that I expect a lot from a future boyfriend. Though I won't be as hard on him as I will be on myself, I expect things! Intellect, drive and a great Bachelor's degree under their belt is something I value a lot.
2) If he has cats, see ya. There's nothing I find more unattractive than a cat man. It's just too much for me.
3) Forward is not always better. I now have a "hold your horses, cowboy" approach. Here's the deal: I am finding men are more attractive to me depending on their approach to this whole Match.com thing. For instance, give me your number right away? Not going to happen. Tell me to "drool over your profile and then text you?" - please remove yourself from my line of cyber vision and go on your merry way, sir. What I thought I would appreciate in a man? A very forward approach. As any woman, we want to know we are appreciated and wanted. Not only that but a man that is incredibly forward knows what he wants and that is sexy as all hell. Not the case in this online dating world. I much prefer a casual approach - the exchange of a couple of emails with some good banter and then an invitation to meet for coffee. Done. Friends if not anything more.
4) I am TOTALLY FINE being single. To those of you that know me this is not at all a surprise. When I wrote on my profile that I was stubborn I meant STUB-BORN (Note: my sister concocted a great Native American name for me.. Stubborn Bull. I was 7 when this was decided just to give you an idea of how this may have become more pronounced with age). In fact, my best friend was yelling at me the other night about this whole process and telling me not to take distance into account. Her logic was that that I can move for someone if it is worth it. My response? Oh hell no, girlfriend, he can come to me. Her response? "I am going to laugh so hard when the right guy comes along and you turn to jello. See ya, stubborn Laurel." Regardless (wow that was an incredible tangent, my apologies), I've realized that I am totally 100% fine being single. In a way, my stubbornness always knew this. I have always put my education, career and family above all else and could care less if I am "alone." Because, I'm sorry, you are not ALONE and please stop being a sob story. But now I know even MORE. Because as much as I was hoping to find the opposite, I feel like these websites are full of people looking for "the one." Me? I'm not going to lie, I just want Kate and I to have new friends to drink with. Maybe their friends are hot?
5) Men of my past, I miss you. Yes, a broad statement, I know. I would just like to publicly express my appreciation for all of the men of my past. The organic connections we made are largely missed so thank you for (most likely) 1) buying me a drink at the 9-0, 2) sharing Chano's steak nachos with me at your apartment/fraternity house/room AND buying it for me (chivalry is not dead), 3) doing karaoke with me or 4) all of the above. It wasn't fully appreciated at the time as fully "organic" but Moses would I kill for that now. Needless to say, the whole process is not right for me. As Kate accurately put it, where's my cocktail with that email?!
So, that's what I've learned. I also want to let you guys know that I have created a filter for my Match.com notifications. TG FOR YOU, GMAIL!!!! I am now way less anxiety ridden.
Also, this happened: