Thursday, March 8, 2012

Rule #1: Expect Foot Fetishes (by Laurel)

Ooooookayyy... never have I woken up so anxious to sign into my gmail account. I'm not joking. They send you literally every update on your account including, but not limited to, "winks" (real life), when someone favorites you (not, to our initial belief, a private archive.. woof), personal emails and "expressing interest." God knows what ANY of it means but it is happening and it is giving me heart palpitations. 

Now, for those of you who know me, this dating website thing is not at all my personality. First of all, I don't take compliments well so don't give them to me. Tell my I'm attractive? I'll make a muppet face at you, scare you away and call it a day. Secondly, contrary to popular belief, I do not like attention from strangers. It freaks me out initially and is something I am clearly going to have to work on for the next few months. 

Anyway, this is what I woke up to and why I am now anxious to check my gmail account. [As a note please do keep in mind that our profiles have been live for LESS THAN 24 hours:]

-9 emails
-8 expressions of "interest" (?? I don't think I will ever know)
-3 "favorites" (aka I was publicly "bookmarked" by someone.. sounds mortifying. It is.)
-13 WINKS (I have no words..)

The emails ranged from life stories, "heys" appended by a winky face (vomit) and the straightforward "want to go for drinks?." My response to everything? HOW DO WE HANDLE THIS?! This whole situation should have been prefaced by a class of some sort, maybe entitled "Best Practices of Online Dating" or "Common Courtesy's of Online Dating." For instance, if I am not at all interested do I just not respond? That seems sad but it also stresses my Type A personality out that I have emails just floating in my Inbox. 

Then, the ultimate happened. And by ultimate I mean the exact reason why people fear dating websites: the in-interface IM. Yes, they exist. This is what it said: 

No, I did not make this up for show. Let's just say I wish that was the case. WHY WHY WHYYYY. This is mortifying. 

So, in short, I am freaked out, anxiety ridden and in no state to date a random man. I did get a few gems in there so we'll see where that takes us. Though, I have to be honest - never have I felt more awkward writing an email.

So that's Day 1. Someone get me a beer.


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