Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Doesn't Mean I Can't Date Him... and Fuck Him.

And so it begins.  The whole process was like shoving a large amount anxiety into our tiny pinot grigo bottles, shaking them up and setting that shit free. It was crazy. We aren't kidding.  Here are our thoughts:

Part I: What You Need
-milk duds, copious amounts of wine, patience (that neither of us have) and Clarence's toots to give you the occasional reprieve.

Part II: Questions we pondered and situations we think everyone can appreciate: 
1) Why did they put "Naughty" in front of everyone's suggested log-in names? And why were we forced to include some sort of variation of "sassy" into our usernames (Kate says SINS) - are we reverting back to our AIM days?
2) What does our body type have to do with anything? Can't they see our pictures? Plus, show me/describe "big and beautiful." Is this, or is this not, cow-like? HEY COW. Moo.

3) There was a humor question in there which we appreciated. However, we got to thinking about what kind of men come to you when you select either Chris Rock or Ellen DeGeneres for your favorite comedian (i.e are we getting the Tyler Perry's of the world?) - both were selected so we'll keep you posted on how that plays out.
4) If you like your men a little soft around the edges but not "a few extra pounds," "stocky" or "heavy set" you are shit outta luck, honey.
5) There were options for expressing an interest specifically in balding men, as well as men with platinum hair. What, are we dating Cisqo?!
6) In choosing desired religious tendencies of your significant other, keep in mind that your mother's approval doesn't always need to be a factor (see post title)
7) We originally thought we were being cute and funny in our describe ourselves (Kate would have dated Laurel "in a nano") but the sad reality was is that we are NOT as funny as some of the men on this situation. Quick snippet from one of our faves:
"Pet Peeves: Drivers who hesitate at a 4 way stop... I go? No, you go? Me? Who?... urgggggh."
^^whoever you are, we die for you even though you haven't changed your brita filter in 2 years.
8) We may or may not be competing for the same men. May the best bitch win.

III. Final Thoughts 
1) What we thought is a "poke" is a "wink." That's happening.
2) After aggressively surveying our matches and subsequently adding quite a number to "our favorites" (thinking they would merely remain in our archives) we have come to realize that, on the contrary, the other party can actually see who has favorited them. We are mortified but continue to keep them in our archives. (We can only hope for some in return).

Over and out.

No comments:

Post a Comment